She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
