I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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