so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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