i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
