i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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