peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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