Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
