Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have fence marks all over my body
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
