My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
