dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
