Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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