He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
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This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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