wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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