Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
