420 ftw
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
