i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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