i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
