overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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