He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
