if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
