Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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