Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
