$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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