her vagine was all disorganized.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
