i dont even know how to be here
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize