i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
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So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize