Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
please come you make the beer taste better
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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