you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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