Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
