R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
