Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
