i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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