They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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