just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
