The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
