One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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