I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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