I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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