I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
