the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
