Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
