no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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