I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize