There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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