when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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