so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
