dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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