He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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