Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
