I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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