I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
