I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
