if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
