Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
bring money and cleavage
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
