This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
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