so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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