but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
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Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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