So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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