she was so not down for the gang bang
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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