If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
