Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
