this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
