After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
