i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
