Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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