Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
