What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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