I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
