I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
