He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
