What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
