that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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